Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
