the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I need a burrito and a hug.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
