Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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