You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
