apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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