worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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