you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
