ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
