she woke up with a sticky ear
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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