My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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