She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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