I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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