We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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