watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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