now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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