Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
