I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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