I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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