I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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