I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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