The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
