Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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