I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
