did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
