i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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