Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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