What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
