No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
