I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
