I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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