whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
