Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I party with great urgency now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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