Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
