I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize