forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
