That's intense
I think I won the penis lottery.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
