Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
