I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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