You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
