Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
