this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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