that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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