It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
