just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
