He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
