He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize