I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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