and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
