Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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