I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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