How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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