Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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