the new term for farting is butt boxing.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
