In the future we'll all be gay
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
