Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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