its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
