There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
