totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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