Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
