we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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