Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
