dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
