just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize