I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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