Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
