I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He kissed a someone with a penis
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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