"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
