Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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