im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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