the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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