sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
