I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
