I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
